I hate depression

I have no idea why some days it affects me more then other days. I am guessing right now it is due to the up coming surgery and the lack of energy due to being anemic. I keep crying for things that I have no control over.
To my friends back in Longview. Why do all of you act as if we are no longer alive? No calls, no emails, nothing, zip, nada! When we moved how many of you said you would call, and email and come visit? We have made calls that go unanswered or never returned. I have sent cards and emails to never get a reply. You have been within 10 miles of my house yet never stopped by to say hi?
When we lived there how often did you call to need a favor? Jason would lend a hand as soon as he got home from being gone all week working. He spent hours helping you do this or that. He spent hours doing stuff for you when he should of been home with me and the kids! I never complained because you were my friends and needed help.
Oh but what help did you ever give us? What help did you even offer us? I know of very few times help was ever offered. There was usually an excuse as to why you could not help. You back hurts, your kids are going to be there, you have the sniffles. the grandkids will be there, you forgot, you ment to but fell asleep..... Excuses after excuses after excuses!
Let me see...... I thought of you as a sister to me. Then one day for some reason you and your husband decided I was not worthy? I still remember the day our friendship ended. It was so stupid of you to of let it go. You were/ are the assistant pastors wife! You were supposed to be so *Godly* You were supposed to lead me in the right direction! I asked you a simple honest question and the look on your face said it all. How dare I question you and your decision!
I asked *why is it OK to wear your hair in a long braid with a pretty ribbon now showing off your glory when the verse we just read said hair was not to be braided and done up in ribbons* I can not remember the exact verse but I was not critisizing you I was asking being as I did not understand.
I asked if the Bible is telling us how to dress then how come we dress how we do now days and not how it was back then? Yes times change and the acceptable form of dress changes all the time. Does that mean if in 2 years the socially acceptable way to dress miniskirts that wearing a mini skirt to church is acceptable? Your answer had been that basically fashion changes and the bible has us dress appropriatley. Well in the 1900s what we are wearing now would give them all a hissy fit! Society also has loser acceptance of what is fine to wear as to what even I am comfortable wearing.
OK internet friends I am tired of how I am your bestie when you are in a crisis. When things are rough you call me 100 times a day. When you are having the grande ole life I never hear from you. My calls go unanswered. I am sick of it. If I am having a bad day want to vent I get a *hold on... let me call you back* and never hear back. I am sick of it.
Oh and miss thang.... you do not want to piss me off. My husband does not want to have sex with you he can not stand you, you turn his stomach. He tells me what you say and he shows me the text, I also hear from others what you try to allude to. I am not like you at all miss thang. I do not call my *baby daddy* all kinds of horrible names, trash talk about him, refuse to marry him, sleep with *customers* at work and with some co workers, sleep with my *baby daddy* best friend and get an STD and not tell baby daddy about it. So miss thang back off before I let you know a thang or two. You want to talk trash about my man? You want to try and *use* my friendship again? Miss thang step back another step remember how you used to think I was mean and were a bit afraid of me? Sweetie you have not seen the mean that I will slam you with. Remember all the *secrets* you told me? Gee bet baby daddy might like to know about some of the *lovings* you and his best female pal shared!
OK done with my anger for now. I am going to go and vacuum the house.