Regets

I have not been able to sleep tonight thanks to my mind thinking sad thoughts. I am missing my son Tony something fierce. I missed out on all of his dances and his girlfriends and everything. Due to choices made on my end for whatever reason I missed out on my son growing up. I know it was what God wanted for me to end up where I am at. I know that, but still I miss my son.
I have told the story before and it is old news. I left a marriage thinking i was going to have a safer and happier life somewhere else. I was at a low point in my life and alone with no family willing to help me.  After choices had been made then yes family was willing to help me but by then it was to late to stop the chain reaction.
I know that my mistakes/ choices did save a friend from making the same mistake and she is still happily married and with her kids. No my marriage was over but I would of liked to of done things differently to where I was able to be with Tony more.
I was betrayed by people that I thought loved me. people that made promises to me until I found out to late blood is thicker then water.
In my divorce I lost my marriage, my son and best friend and honestly all of my friends. My friends that knew what my home life was like all turned their backs on me. Not one of them cared. They spread lies about me and gossip galore! What is the worst is a lot of the stuff got to Tony and he repeated it to me. Shame on all of them and you if you were part of that.
When you give up on life and do not care if you live or die and actually want to die, when you sit at an intersection and want to run a light during a busy time, when you start to drink take sleeping pills and wake up pills you slowly lose the light inside of you. You become a robot with no feelings or desires. You at this point give up on life and you make bad decisions that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
If you know me you know how bubbly I am. Yes that is how most people describe me if you don't know me. People love how friendly and caring, sweet, happy, free spirited in a way. I am told I am youthful that I make everything fun. No one knows the heart ache I still hold inside of me. No on really knows the anger I still have inside of me over how thing happened.
I know it is not what God expects of me but I just can not let it go yet. There are days when I want to take my fingernails down someones face just to hurt them so they know pain. They caused me such horrendous pain and yet never paid a price for what they did. They got it all and yet they gave away what I most desired. They did not want what I wanted they just did not want me to have what I wanted. needed, desired, loved.
I am sure this will not make sense to anyone but me but that is fine. This is my blog where I say what I need to say. I think having my hubby here being mad at me has caused the bad feelings inside me again from the ex. I do not like to fight and usually will just pull away. Having someone mad and muttering at me and slamming doors and making mean comments hurts a lot. At times it would be better to just be hit then to have the stress that goes on.
Thanks for my mild rant and it is not what I was going to say but i guess my fingers say what they want to say.

I am so excited that the weather is getting better and summer is on her way! This means camping on the weekends, fresh produce, warm breezes through the windows, canning, and so much more. I love spring and summer fall is OK and winter if not for all the holidays I would hate it. I am so not an overcast, cold, rain, ice and snow chick!
Hubby is going to rebuild my pantry with wood shelves to hold all of my canned goods. I plan on canning a lot of apple sauce, peaches, pears, nectarines, and more. I need to search and see what all there is to can. I really want to freeze a lot of vegetables as well. I plan on buying some asparagus this coming week and freezing quite a bit. I would can asparagus but being as I still have a glass to I have to water bath them and thus can just pickle them. Oh yea I want to freeze broccoli, cauliflower hmm what else? The garden will be full of stuff this summer so I am excited, Oh yea I will be canning a ton of tomatoes to be sure.
Crummy news is that Megan is super sick. She has a nasty sinus infection and she is just not doing well. Hubby is sick to and I have it as well.
OK enough chat for tonight goodnight my lovies!!

Digestive Health

OK I drank most of that rank crap for my colonoscopy. I swear that it is torture drinking it. To me that was worse then going potty. I was doing research on how to make it go down easier and saw that most people said to use a straw. OK I tired that but finally today I decided to just gulp it down without the straw. A lot faster and easier for me. I would also take a gulp of white grape juice in the middle and suck on a green mint.
So now I am waiting to head up the hill and be prodded and invaded by a man that is not my husband! Bwah ha ha. Sorry have to have some fun with all of this. The bathroom part that I hear so many scary stories about was not bad to me. I guess with my fecal issues already it was just a bit more in a shorter time then normal.
I do have dinner in the crock pot already and have had it going since 8AM. It smells so good and I am so hungry right now. not being able to eat or drink is hard on me. I want to grab a cup of water! I think hubby will need to get me some fast food to eat on my way home!
XOXO my lovies!

Health

I am still having health issues with no answers. Tomorrow I am doing a colonoscopy and an endoscopy. I will see if they show anything. I just know that having diarrhea 20 times a day is hard on my body. I have gone five times today already and I have not ate a thing. I had some diet Dr. Pepper. Before you blame that I had gone three times before even having that!
My at home sleep study showed no sleep apnea. I am now going to do a sleep study in the sleep lab. I have been using Jason's C pap machine and I do wake up more refreshed.
This is just irritating how I feel. I want to go back to bed as soon as I get up. I love to sleep and never feel like I have enough sleep. Nap time it happy time!
My blood test and fecal test have been normal for the most part. At least I no longer have E-coli!
I am going to start a food diary and see if there is a connection to what I eat and my bathroom issues. I am sure I will be lactose intolerant. I hope to try and stick with the healthier meats and cut out more and more beef. I rarely eat pork unless it is ribs or bacon. Even then my pork menu is very slim. I just do not like pork chops at all!
OK now that I bored you with my health issues I shall say...
Tata my lovies!


 

Life has been crazy here once again. I keep losing time to post and I love to post my stories.
I have to say I love this picture of Megan. She was drinking her milk and making funny faces this day for some reason. The happy news is Megan is now up to 93 pounds. She was at a low of 76 1/2 pounds in May before we had the feeding tube inserted. Megan still is not much on eating food but she is getting better about it. She loves chocolate milk and Hawaiian Punch type of sodas.
I myself have been dealing with some health issues here and have had quite a few different labs done this last month. I did have e-coli last month which added to my health issues. I did a sleep study Monday night and hope to have some answers to that soon. I will be using Jason's C-pap machine being as he wont use it. I am now on a vitamin D regimen as well. I have a colonoscopy and an endoscopy next week even.
I have not been into my couponing much lately but I plan on getting organized with that next week and be back at it. I love to save money and find good deals. I have no idea how I slack off so often at it. Oh yea today I did do one good deal. I bought the Mio energy drink enhancer on sale and with a coupon I ended up paying 99 cents for it! It is normally $3.99 at Safeway here.
OK I am done for now and will post more when I remember! Maybe I can set my alarm to remind me?
Love and kisses! D

Coffee Lovers Cravebox!

Today I got my Coffee Lovers Cravebox and it is a home run! I have been a member of Cravebox from its Beta testing days and I love the boxes. Each Crave Box cost between $10.00 to $14.00 and they are always sending out new and interesting items. Not all of the items are something I will use but then I just pass the item on to someone who will use it.

There was a Tully's French Roast ground coffee in the 12 oz bag. Yes how can I go wrong with coffee from Tully's? I will be having a cup in the morning of this delicious coffee. Tully's coffee is smoother the Starbucks and avoids that *burnt* taste that I hear people complain about. Personally I love Starbucks and think they are great. Tully's dark French Roast will be nice to try being as I usually go for the lighter roast.

http://www.tullys.com/

My second item in the box was Torani Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup in the 12.7 oz bottle. I love the sugar free items being as my husband is diabetic and this is an item he can enjoy as well. I use the syrups in things other then coffee drinks. The site has recipes of different ways to use their syrups and shows all of their flavors. Right now I am addicted to their Salted Carmel syrup. Yes I want to be buried  with my salted Carmel! Joking

OK confession time here....There were two Biscotti Brothers Bakery bars and I kind of ate them already. Oh my goodness they are delicious! The flavors were almond & cranberry for one and blueberry almond & oats for the other bar. I will be buying these for sure they truly are delicious! I loved these bars and that is why I ate both of them for dinner. They are sweet without being sweet. Hard yet not to hard. They hold up to dunking into your coffee or hot chocolate or even tea.

https://www.biscottibrothers.com/

There was a 1.94 oz bag of Barbara's High Fiber Cranberry Medley which is Divine! it is listed as a blend of real cranberries, whole grains, and pomegranate flavor to fill you up and start your day. It says it is 40% of your daily fiber and guess what? It really is delicious! Now I am honestly not a cereal eater but this stuff is amazingly good! I want to use this as granola and add it to my yogurt and make a parfait with it. All that fiber as well is amazing that it does taste delicious!

http://shop.barbarasbakery.com/High-Fiber/c/BarbarasBakery@Cereals@HighFiber?gclid=CMmb5sTr_7MCFYF7QgodaCcAmw

Black Friday

 

 

I love bargains! I just ordered Just Dance 4 for Wii, Horton Hears A Who, and The Lorax off of Amazon with my gift cards. I got free shipping and my cost out of pocket was $5.88!!!
I did not go shopping today I was not in the mood for stupid angry people. I would of had to take Megan out in the rain and deal with her wheel chair and the crazies. I decided to sleep half the day away.
The adds did not interest me to be honest and i would rather pay 10 dollars more for an item then deal with the people that have to get an item. My time is worth more then that little bit of savings and the hours standing in line.
We really do not need anything here either. I am trying to get rid of stuff not bring in more junk. I will have more fun shopping the clearance sales then waiting in line for hours.
I put up my tree already and found out that the clearance ornaments that I paid a dime for last year *well I guess it was really this year being as it was in January* are some of my favorite ones! I have these cute horses with feathers on top of their heads that are adorable!
I am also working on selling a lot of my decorations this year. I am getting rid of my Hallmark ornaments even!
Well off to do some reading and then to bed!

Seniors, Blogs, Pretzels and Baskets

IFirst off I had to post a picture of the boy and his girlfriend. This is one of their senior pictures that they had taken.

So anyhow I need to blog more often I keep forgetting to and I love to blog. I am going to have my room done tonight I hope and then have stuff ready for donating tomorrow. I will then have the DH and the DS put up my Christmas lights before DH leves for his hunting trip. I have not had my stuff out for the last two years and by gosh this year I will have it out and up.
I had a trip to the mall and had taken my friend to Aunt Annies Pretzels and was so dissapointed in them. Our sodas were over half full of ice and the pretzels were way over done. We ended up tossing the pretzels and just not having a good treat like i had wanted.  I did contact AA and I received coupons for free pretzels today. Two from corporate and one from the franchise customer service. Hmm I hardly go to the mall so these might sit here for awhile.
I am still doing Bountiful Baskets and totally love them! I spent $50.00 this week on them being s I ordered some pumpkin spice cookies,  wagon wheel rolls and the hostess pack. I will see what all is in it on Saturday morning!
XOXOXO D

Health et. al.

I am not sure what is going on with me lately. I want to sleep non stop and have no energy at all. I slept in until almost 11 today and fell asleep at 6:45 for 15 minutes today. I am in a fog and just not able to function here. I have ladies bible study in the morning and I have not even done my lessons. I do not care about shopping or searching for my bargains and freebies. I had a Block Buster DVD for a month here before I watched it. Even when I watch TV I am in and out of the room not paying attention to it.
I need to make an appointment with the doctor but I am not sure which one to go to at this point. The MD or the Naturapoath? *sp*? SIGH

Pretty hair

OK I have to get back to blogging and getting my life back to normal. I have been in a huge funk for awhile now. I hate how I am feeling. I am supposed to take my meds but I forget all the time. I forget being as I need to take my meds but ya back and forth I go.

So the hair color you see in the picture is what I want to do. Yes I am 48 but i love this look. I am not sure how to do it but I am honestly thinking of doing it.
I have a ton of stuff to get done tonight and I just want to go to sleep. I think having Megan in bed with me is starting to take more and more of a toll on me. I do not sleep very well due to her seizures. i wake up wondering how soon I can go to bed. I just need to get my butt moving with some walking and losing weight again and hopefully that will help me.

Rainbow

I am having a rough week here due to various things. I gave friends of mine my dog Mali. It was for the best and Mali will be happier once she adapts to having a new family. It is breaking my heart but the stress of dealing with J's anger over anything Mali did was just to much for me to handle. I wont go into any more detail but there is a part of my heart that is dead and a part that I have to work on forgiving because it has some black hatred in it right now.
So now that I am in this mood the hair colors that you see here in this wig? That is what I plan on doing to my hair. I want the rainbow of colors and I do not care what anyone thinks of it.
I am in a sad place right now and it will either be doing some drastic hair color or chopping my hair short. So for now it is taataa later tater!

Life Is Crazier!

Yea life is never calm here it seems. *Sigh* This is what I did last Friday night getting home at 5:30 in the morning and up at 9 to go get my Bountiful Basket supplies. I did not get a nap and come Sunday I slept off and on all day.
Megan had a seizure hit the floor cracked her chin open and fractured her jaw in two places. Not a fun thing to do my poor baby girl. We see the oral surgeon on Tuesday. Yea the jerk has no problem making Megan wait over a week to be seen, I have kept her drugged up on prescription medicine all week.
Robert came home already and with my having to deal with Megan I did not get the stuff done. However come Monday it will be done. I will make sure of it.
I am just wanting to say and quick hi and that I will post more later on this weekend. I have a busy day tomorrow so not sure what day it will be.

Trouble in Paradise

Hello Blogland! Yes it has been a long time since I blogged. Life has been a bit crazy, hard, sad, rough, hurtful and full of decisions these last few months. Where do I want to start and what do i want to tell?
The first thing going on is my step son who is 17 has become worse then ever. He does what he wants, stays gone all weekend, cusses up a storm, is drinking, refuses to do any chores. He is leaving tomorrow for a vacation to be with his girlfriend and her family for 2 weeks. AMEN! I will have a break from him.
The picture that you see is of his room. He has refused to clean it. Hubby put it all in bags and set it outside 3 weeks ago. I let him come back under the agreement he would do his chores and follow the rules. As you can see and read he has not done anything.
So with that said and I did give him fair warning.... When he is gone I am putting all of his stuff into boxes and trash bags. I will store his TV and game system at a different house then here. I am taking his dresser out of his room and everything off of his walls. He will be left with the futon bed that he bought and card board boxes for his clothing that he brings home. I am also taking back my blanket from Mexico that I bought that he has decided he wants. He had a comforter that he gave to Goodwill in one of his fits. He can buy a new comforter if he feels he needs one or he can be cold. I will give him a sheet to cover up with.
He will no longer have the reason for a TV being as he does not have the privilege of having electricity for fun. He will no longer have need for his PS3 being as he has no TV. He will now have to take his laundry to the laundromat. He was told he could use my washer and dryer under my supervision. He overloads them and I do not want my set broke due to his stupidity. He snuck and did a load last night, over loaded it and then he took out the 3 small wash rags I had tossed in and he set them on the dryer wadded up. Yea not a smart move when I was not happy as it was.
I took down the southern flag that he had in his room being as I find it disrespectful and he uses it to be racist. It is my and hubbies house and our rules not Robert's.
I will have to try and get more boxes to store stuff but if most goes into trash bags oh well! I also have a place where I will store the stuff where he will not have acess to.
Robert said he can rent a place on his own at 17 because he *knows* people in the industry. Hahaha we will see. He is 17, has a year left of school, and no credit. Yea I am sure he can find a place cheap. I think if he can rent a place it will be nice for him to see just what it cost to live.
He does not realize there is power, water, food, etc. If he is here he will hate it. He will have the futon in his room, and card board boxes for clothing. Once a week I will go into his room and whatever is on the floor goes to the donation box.

My Favorite Things I Have Discovered

I love the boil over gadget that I bought at Bed Bath & Beyond last month. It was around $3.00 give or take. Who knew that these actually worked? I have been having fun using my ceramic disc to see if the water boils over. I have yet to have a boil over. It is nice to save time having to clean up that foamy starchy mess on my glass stove top. The other day i was cooking Quinoa and the little disc was just rattling away! My husband and son thought I had put a rock in the pan, :)

                                                                                                                                I  am always using garlic in all my recipes it seems. I have used fresh garlic but I really detest having to smash the cloves and separate them and all the mess. With the Christopher Ranch peeled garlic my garlic fetish is in high swing! This brand taste divine and is so easy to use. I just cut off the tips and then either use the whole clove or slice, dice, or chop them up! I have been using them on homemade pizza, in green beans, soups, stews, chili, even for hamburgers, sauteed for an omelet, and just sauteed with an onion and mushrooms as a side!

This is the best thing around for storing knives! I hated the knife block it was ugly and took up counter space. I had thought of having my knives on the wall on a magnet strip but that just is creep to me. I do not like the idea of a knife just there ready for Freddy Kruger to get me with. OK I prefer to have my knives in the drawer way from within little fingers reach and bugs doing *the nasty*. I bought this at JCP for $30 minus my friends 25% discount with free shipping to the store. This one is expandable from side to side but fits here just perfect. 

I really enjoy my 3 in 1 adjustable mandoline slicer. It works great for onions! It is made by The Sharper Image and I found this one on sale at Marshalls for just $9.99. I have done other vegetable with it but I seem to prefer the perfect onion slices I get with this.

I tried these the other day at Costco and I am hooked! With hubby and I trying to eat a healthier way and really watching our carbs now I have found the perfect chip. I am addicted to the zesty Ranch Straws. I will have a bag of my chips as one of my snacks and the salty craving and chip cravings go away. 

Pantry Spring Clean

It is hard to believe how fast the pantry can get so cluttered up with any and everything. I was able to toss two grocery bags of expired food. Yes now I love being able to see what is in the pantry and what I need to buy.

Linen Closet Spring Clean

This was actually fun to be able to do. I got rid of a lot of towels as you can see. I gave away most of the games being as no one plays them. The sheets sets are now all matched up. I also gave away a few sets of sheets that I disliked immensely. I added in the storage unit here and now the linen closet looks smashing!

Office Spring Clean

This is my office area with the before and afters. It is so much nicer having the desk cleared of junk that is not needed or really used that often. I can sit at the desk now and pay bills and organize stuff!